So, we're at 26 weeks, 5 days today and it's time for the next challenge apparently. So far we've had to deal with Hypermesis Gravidarum (acute morning sickness, if you follow Royal Baby news, you've heard of it), a starting weight loss of about 15 lbs in 2 weeks, and the 25% chance our little Hugbug could have Cystic Fibrosis. Our next hurdle may be Gestational Diabetes. I was expecting this one, partially, because I was a fairly large baby, and my mother had GD with my younger sister. Rumor has it, GD is more likely if your mom also had it.
Today was my 1 hour test- my doc required a fasting after midnight (I was allowed only my anti-nausea meds this morning). I got my bottle of orangey grossness at 7:40, realized it was just like bad orange soda, and went upstairs to my 26 week appointment. Came back down an hour later for the blood draw (lovely track marks today, FAIL). I got a 149- the goal is between 65-139 if I understand the lab paperwork correctly. So now I move on to the 3 hr test, which we will do Saturday morning. Another fasting, no meds this time (boo).
I wasn't exactly expecting pregnancy to be easy, but I was definitely not expecting to have so many challenges. The GD I expected, so besides being a bit annoyed, I'm not really upset. At least I won't be until my Thin Mints arrive. The HG and CF- I wasn't expecting at all. I had no warning. My stepsister had HG with both of her pregnancies, and it occurs in like, 2% of all pregnancies. What are the chances two non-blood related sisters would both get it- and get it bad. True, I'm not on IV fluid and nutrition like she was (for which I am insanely grateful) but I'm still frustrated that I require medication to be able to properly feed my little baby, and help him or her grow. The HG and CF play into my insecurities that I cannot keep my baby safe and healthy.
I try to stay positive- we count the days free from actually praying to the porcelain throne, I hold tight to the 75% chance my baby will not have CF. I know that many other women out there are struggling with many harder challenges- Down Syndrome, Premature births, lost babies. And when I think of them, I feel guilty. I have so much to be thankful for. I am truly blessed that our challenges are less visible, that many will be resolved just by Hugbug's arrival. So I continue to hold on to the positives, and hope for the best. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
Forgiveness & Faith
As I mentioned in my previous post, I am a huge Jodi Picoult fan. I have almost all of her books, and I re-read them often. I love how she can take a topic from so many sides, and still make you see where each character comes from in relation to the situation. In "19 Minutes" I understood Peter's pain, and Josie's inability to break away from her boyfriend and their clique. In "Keeping Faith" I could understand how Mariah could lose herself in the pain, and forget there were others who desperately needed her.
That's why I knew "The Storyteller" would be a challenge for me to read. I'm a Jewish woman, my faith is very much a part of my life. I spent 10 days in Israel in college, and I have visited numerous Holocaust museums over my lifetime. Since returning from Israel, I haven't read another book on the Holocaust. Not out of any major reason, I'd read many before my trip- "The Devil's Arithmatic", "Anne Frank", "Night", and the hardest to me.... "The Painted Bird". That was the last one I read, and there is a graphic scene that has replayed in my mind whenever the Holocaust is mentioned.
My grandparents were not in the camps- they were living here in the US by then, fighting with the Allies when the time came. However there was family there that was lost. I, like Sage in "The Storyteller" never got around to asking my grandparents for more information. Out of teen indifference, or fear of the truth, I don't know. If I had to pick a regret in my life, it would be not learning more about all four of my grandparents while I had the chance.
Regardless, when Hubs went to the book signing last week for me, as I'm still to sick with Hypermesis Gravidarum (pregnancy acute morning sickness), I knew that reading this book would be an emotional rollercoaster for me. Admittedly, most JP books are. When he handed the book to me, he begged me to take it slow, and put it down for as long as needed. I started reading right away, and usually I finish a book in a day or two. Today, because there's lovely weather occuring, my office shut down and I came home and finished the book. I won't post any spoilers, but I will say while I was not expecting the ending (either plot twist), I am in shock.
The subject of forgiveness is the primary question of the book- who has the right to forgive? Are there sins that are unforgiveable? Can you make amends for decisions and actions by doing good later? When I was at Yad Vashem, our guides and our Rabbi discussed with us the "Jewish stance" on forgiveness. You cannot grant forgiveness for something done to another. It made so much sense to me then. A man in our group was very upset by this- he blames Germans (the Nazi Germans, today's Germans) for the "crimes against our people". This only made it more clear to me. How can I forgive a person I never met? How can I forgive something that I've only been told, and never experienced? I've read many stories, heard others, seen the pictures and the stones from the Warsaw ghetto. I believe the Holocaust happened. It brings up many many emotions in me when I think about it. But I cannot possibly understand it truly, because I did not live it.
If you have read or seen "The Devil's Arithmatic" I think you may be able to see what I'm saying. The main character is a spoiled modern teenager who doesn't quite understand what the big deal is about tattoos and not going to Passover Sedar. She opens the door for Elijah at the Sedar, and is transported to the 1940's, where she lives the experience of her namesake at a concentration camp. Yes, unrealistic, but it makes the point hit home. It's possible to empathize with our ancestors pain and suffering, but we will never truly understand what happened, and therefore let go of the pain- it isn't our pain!
The book also discusses forgiveness from a Catholic point of view. I went to a Catholic pre-school, and attended a Catholic church much of my life with my father's side of the family, however I never attended any religious education (of any kind) and so never went to confession, etc. However, even though I have thought about it, I never considered how heavily all those confessions must weigh on the person hearing them. You can't absolve the person of the sin, from my point of view, but now you walk around with knowledge of so much pain and guilt. It's not your own, but when confronted with the offended party (who may or may not be aware of the offense/perpetrator) how do you handle that?
Also I wonder- do we all base our views of forgiveness on the teachings of our own faiths? And for those that do not identify with a "brand of faith" (not sure of a better way to put that), how do you determine whether to forgive or not? Do they believe in forgiveness?
That's why I knew "The Storyteller" would be a challenge for me to read. I'm a Jewish woman, my faith is very much a part of my life. I spent 10 days in Israel in college, and I have visited numerous Holocaust museums over my lifetime. Since returning from Israel, I haven't read another book on the Holocaust. Not out of any major reason, I'd read many before my trip- "The Devil's Arithmatic", "Anne Frank", "Night", and the hardest to me.... "The Painted Bird". That was the last one I read, and there is a graphic scene that has replayed in my mind whenever the Holocaust is mentioned.
My grandparents were not in the camps- they were living here in the US by then, fighting with the Allies when the time came. However there was family there that was lost. I, like Sage in "The Storyteller" never got around to asking my grandparents for more information. Out of teen indifference, or fear of the truth, I don't know. If I had to pick a regret in my life, it would be not learning more about all four of my grandparents while I had the chance.
Regardless, when Hubs went to the book signing last week for me, as I'm still to sick with Hypermesis Gravidarum (pregnancy acute morning sickness), I knew that reading this book would be an emotional rollercoaster for me. Admittedly, most JP books are. When he handed the book to me, he begged me to take it slow, and put it down for as long as needed. I started reading right away, and usually I finish a book in a day or two. Today, because there's lovely weather occuring, my office shut down and I came home and finished the book. I won't post any spoilers, but I will say while I was not expecting the ending (either plot twist), I am in shock.
The subject of forgiveness is the primary question of the book- who has the right to forgive? Are there sins that are unforgiveable? Can you make amends for decisions and actions by doing good later? When I was at Yad Vashem, our guides and our Rabbi discussed with us the "Jewish stance" on forgiveness. You cannot grant forgiveness for something done to another. It made so much sense to me then. A man in our group was very upset by this- he blames Germans (the Nazi Germans, today's Germans) for the "crimes against our people". This only made it more clear to me. How can I forgive a person I never met? How can I forgive something that I've only been told, and never experienced? I've read many stories, heard others, seen the pictures and the stones from the Warsaw ghetto. I believe the Holocaust happened. It brings up many many emotions in me when I think about it. But I cannot possibly understand it truly, because I did not live it.
If you have read or seen "The Devil's Arithmatic" I think you may be able to see what I'm saying. The main character is a spoiled modern teenager who doesn't quite understand what the big deal is about tattoos and not going to Passover Sedar. She opens the door for Elijah at the Sedar, and is transported to the 1940's, where she lives the experience of her namesake at a concentration camp. Yes, unrealistic, but it makes the point hit home. It's possible to empathize with our ancestors pain and suffering, but we will never truly understand what happened, and therefore let go of the pain- it isn't our pain!
The book also discusses forgiveness from a Catholic point of view. I went to a Catholic pre-school, and attended a Catholic church much of my life with my father's side of the family, however I never attended any religious education (of any kind) and so never went to confession, etc. However, even though I have thought about it, I never considered how heavily all those confessions must weigh on the person hearing them. You can't absolve the person of the sin, from my point of view, but now you walk around with knowledge of so much pain and guilt. It's not your own, but when confronted with the offended party (who may or may not be aware of the offense/perpetrator) how do you handle that?
Also I wonder- do we all base our views of forgiveness on the teachings of our own faiths? And for those that do not identify with a "brand of faith" (not sure of a better way to put that), how do you determine whether to forgive or not? Do they believe in forgiveness?
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Intro: Here I am!
Hi! I'm Riss, and I'm a nearly 30 year old almost Momma. Hubby and I have been together 8 years, married almost one. We're about to embark on the next crazy adventures of our life including our first child (our Little Hugbug) and buying our first home.
Basics about me:
I am the oldest of two, and the dead center of seven children all at once. My family is a blended concoction of backgrounds and faiths, and are the biggest pains in my butt and have my fiercest loyalty all at once. I was born a "cashew" the daughter of a Jewish mother and Catholic father, and since college have identified as Jewish. I love to learn about different faiths and belief systems, the entire concept of how others relate to G-d fascinates me.
I am seriously opinionated and am not afraid to fight for what I believe in.
I have a bunch of hobbies, and I have a hard time deciding which to enjoy whenever I have free time. I love reading (Jodi Picoult is by far my favorite author), crocheting, scrapbooking, hiking, snowboarding, theater, boating, and general crafty activities. I have a Master's Degree in Architecture, and work in a small firm, primarily on affordable housing and restoration projects.
This blog will likely be a collection of life events, social commentary, crafting experiments, and the general ups and downs of life. But what would life be without a little adventure, right?
Basics about me:
I am the oldest of two, and the dead center of seven children all at once. My family is a blended concoction of backgrounds and faiths, and are the biggest pains in my butt and have my fiercest loyalty all at once. I was born a "cashew" the daughter of a Jewish mother and Catholic father, and since college have identified as Jewish. I love to learn about different faiths and belief systems, the entire concept of how others relate to G-d fascinates me.
I am seriously opinionated and am not afraid to fight for what I believe in.
I have a bunch of hobbies, and I have a hard time deciding which to enjoy whenever I have free time. I love reading (Jodi Picoult is by far my favorite author), crocheting, scrapbooking, hiking, snowboarding, theater, boating, and general crafty activities. I have a Master's Degree in Architecture, and work in a small firm, primarily on affordable housing and restoration projects.
This blog will likely be a collection of life events, social commentary, crafting experiments, and the general ups and downs of life. But what would life be without a little adventure, right?
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