Forgiveness & Faith

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am a huge Jodi Picoult fan. I have almost all of her books, and I re-read them often. I love how she can take a topic from so many sides, and still make you see where each character comes from in relation to the situation. In "19 Minutes" I understood Peter's pain, and Josie's inability to break away from her boyfriend and their clique. In "Keeping Faith" I could understand how Mariah could lose herself in the pain, and forget there were others who desperately needed her.
That's why I knew "The Storyteller" would be a challenge for me to read. I'm a Jewish woman, my faith is very much a part of my life. I spent 10 days in Israel in college, and I have visited numerous Holocaust museums over my lifetime. Since returning from Israel, I haven't read another book on the Holocaust. Not out of any major reason, I'd read many before my trip- "The Devil's Arithmatic", "Anne Frank", "Night", and the hardest to me.... "The Painted Bird". That was the last one I read, and there is a graphic scene that has replayed in my mind whenever the Holocaust is mentioned.
My grandparents were not in the camps- they were living here in the US by then, fighting with the Allies when the time came. However there was family there that was lost. I, like Sage in "The Storyteller" never got around to asking my grandparents for more information. Out of teen indifference, or fear of the truth, I don't know. If I had to pick a regret in my life, it would be not learning more about all four of my grandparents while I had the chance.
Regardless, when Hubs went to the book signing last week for me, as I'm still to sick with Hypermesis Gravidarum (pregnancy acute morning sickness), I knew that reading this book would be an emotional rollercoaster for me. Admittedly, most JP books are. When he handed the book to me, he begged me to take it slow, and put it down for as long as needed. I started reading right away, and usually I finish a book in a day or two. Today, because there's lovely weather occuring, my office shut down and I came home and finished the book. I won't post any spoilers, but I will say while I was not expecting the ending (either plot twist), I am in shock.
The subject of forgiveness is the primary question of the book- who has the right to forgive? Are there sins that are unforgiveable? Can you make amends for decisions and actions by doing good later? When I was at Yad Vashem, our guides and our Rabbi discussed with us the "Jewish stance" on forgiveness. You cannot grant forgiveness for something done to another. It made so much sense to me then. A man in our group was very upset by this- he blames Germans (the Nazi Germans, today's Germans) for the "crimes against our people". This only made it more clear to me. How can I forgive a person I never met? How can I forgive something that I've only been told, and never experienced? I've read many stories, heard others, seen the pictures and the stones from the Warsaw ghetto. I believe the Holocaust happened. It brings up many many emotions in me when I think about it. But I cannot possibly understand it truly, because I did not live it.
If you have read or seen "The Devil's Arithmatic" I think you may be able to see what I'm saying. The main character is a spoiled modern teenager who doesn't quite understand what the big deal is about tattoos and not going to Passover Sedar. She opens the door for Elijah at the Sedar, and is transported to the 1940's, where she lives the experience of her namesake at a concentration camp. Yes, unrealistic, but it makes the point hit home. It's possible to empathize with our ancestors pain and suffering, but we will never truly understand what happened, and therefore let go of the pain- it isn't our pain!
The book also discusses forgiveness from a Catholic point of view. I went to a Catholic pre-school, and attended a Catholic church much of my life with my father's side of the family, however I never attended any religious education (of any kind) and so never went to confession, etc. However, even though I have thought about it, I never considered how heavily all those confessions must weigh on the person hearing them. You can't absolve the person of the sin, from my point of view, but now you walk around with knowledge of so much pain and guilt. It's not your own, but when confronted with the offended party (who may or may not be aware of the offense/perpetrator) how do you handle that?
Also I wonder- do we all base our views of forgiveness on the teachings of our own faiths? And for those that do not identify with a "brand of faith" (not sure of a better way to put that), how do you determine whether to forgive or not? Do they believe in forgiveness?